it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
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