Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
