Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Randomize
