So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
