I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
