the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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