Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I supernannyed him into submission
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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