Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Someone shattered a urinal.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
