right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
