youre lurking in front of me
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
