I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
