my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize