but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
