C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize