my mouth tastes like poor choices
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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