ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
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