Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Randomize
