I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
