So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
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