I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
