I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
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