you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
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