they need to just BURY HIM!
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize
