the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I got inside last night via doggy door
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