Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Randomize
