ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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