South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
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