I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Randomize
