I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
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