you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
