I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Randomize
