I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
