Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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