we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Randomize
