i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
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