I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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