I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize