Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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