i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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