YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
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