you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
