you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
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