i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Randomize
