She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
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