Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
