Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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