lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
