my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
im about as happy as oj after his trial
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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