We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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