every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
