walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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