thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Randomize
