she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
