I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
