the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
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