Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I am one with the molecules
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize