exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
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