We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Randomize
