for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
