I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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