They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Randomize