Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Randomize
