My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
