I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
