just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
