Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Randomize
