Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
we should paint friendship bongs
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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