remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Randomize
