my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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