So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Randomize
