Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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