You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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