I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
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