I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
