no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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