Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
