I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
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