I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Your cock deserves a montage
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
