I heard we made out
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Randomize
