I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
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