is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Randomize
