I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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