He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
