First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
