3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Randomize
