Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Randomize
