I am puke
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
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