proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I can feel your judgement through the phone
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize