so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
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