I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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