He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
