The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
