The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Randomize
