twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
You know, be my cock's hype man.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
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