there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
