the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
there is glitter all over my balls
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
