Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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