And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
