is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
