unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
please don't ironically join a cult
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