Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
you have to choose: penises or morals?
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
