you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
