I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
