masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
